A Tale From Traz: 20 - 28

SECTION 20

"Phineas L., you're looking swell."

"So make me a bouquet, Mr. Bouté," Phineas replied to Seymour as he neared him in the
shrub-filled hex. Seymour smiled at the snappy reply, but Phineas kept a stern face. He
still wasn't in the mood after the previous turn's excitement.

"Where is everyone?" Phineas asked as he slid off of the sourmander he was riding. "I
thought this was the rendezvous point." The only other units in the hex besides Phineas's
escorts were Seymour and his escorts.

"Oh they went on ahead. Duke Chu and Wally returned to the column early this turn with
news from Ponchovilla's capital. Apparently Chu's former Queen is going to send a
contingency group to one of their nearby cities called Stashburns. Prince Chip is anxious
to get there so they left me to direct you toward their location when you arrived. That,
and so that I could finish my work here."

"Your work?" Phineas asked, raising an eyebrow.

Seymour shot him a look of disapproval. "Don't tell me you didn't notice them."

"Notice wh- Oh." Standing right behind Seymour in plain sight were two tall shrubs,
leaves shaking in the gentle wind. Except they weren't exactly shrubs. Not anymore at
least. For one, they had stats. Secondly, now that he looked closer he could see that they
had distinct animal shapes. "Those are some nice looking topiaries, Seymour. I'm sure the
extra siege will come in handy. Even if it is only light siege."

The Florist seemed content to receive the compliment and didn't comment any further on
Phineas's lack of observation skills. "I just have one more left to make and then we can
go."

Phineas didn't really feel like waiting, but had nothing better to do so he wandered
aimlessly around the hex for a few minutes as Seymour carefully pruned out the shape of
a soon-to-be topiary. It wasn't until he felt a small itch in his throat that Phineas
remembered what was lodged there.

"Hey Seymour, you don't happen to have the magic mirror with you, do you?"

"No. Last I knew Chip had it," he replied without so much as a glance up from the
shrubs. "Why?"

"Eh, I wanted to talk to King Alec about something. I'm going to borrow a spare kelpie
from you, okay?" Phineas was purposefully being vague. He didn't feel like answering a
bunch of questions he didn't know the answers to before he got the chance to talk with the
king about his find. He would tell Seymour about the sword at camp later that evening.

"I'm not sure that is wise, but who am I to object? Just don't blame me when the prince
yells at you for messing up my stacks."

"Yeah, yeah." Phineas was already switching spots with one of the knights in Seymour's
personal escort. He would have taken the sourmander or a tidal boar, but a kelpie would
be faster within individual hexes. And he didn't want to play catch-up with the rest of the
column for the rest of the turn if he didn't have to. After getting coordinates from the
knight, Phineas urged his kelpy kelpie through the hex boundary.

SECTION 21

Phineas arrived as the tents were being set up.  Trumpets announced his arrival, but the
tune was slightly different than expected.  When he looked over to the nearest trumpet
stand he was surprised to see the normal operator jumping up and down, trying to grab
his instrument back from the imp that was hovering just out of reach.  Phineas suppressed
a smile and continued on toward the center of the hex where Chip's tent should be.

As he approached the entrance to the royal tent, the royal guards on either side of the tent
blocked his way with their weapons.  Phineas stepped back in surprise.  "Why can't I go
in?  Is Chip in a meeting?"  Even if he was, Phineas still should have been allowed in
since he was now a part of the prince's war council.

The female guard blushed then said, "No, he is not in a meeting."

He waited for her to give a bit more information, but once he realized she wasn't going to
offer any more, he prodded the two of them with an appropriately drawn-out, "Well?"

The male guard cleared his throat then said, "He isn't in a meeting, but he is conducting
some business."

Before Phineas could ask any more questions the flap covering the tent's entrance opened
and Chip appeared.  He set a chamber pot down on the grass next to the doorway and
instructed the guards to have Earnest pick it up the next time he came by.  Then he
motioned for Phineas to follow him inside.  Phineas tried to avoid breathing through his
nose, but went inside regardless.

"How did it go at the ruins?  Did you find any units there?" Chip asked.  He sat down
behind a table with a few half-blank maps on it.  Phineas took a standing position across
from him.

"The ruins?  Not as well as I could have hoped.  I tamed a sourmander, but it snuck up on
us and cost us a couple knights."

"Oops," Chip said with insincere sympathy.  "You gotta look out for creatures.  Anyway,
has Seymour filled you in on our situation?"

"Yeah, he told me before I left."  Phineas noticed Chip raise an eyebrow and knew what it
was for almost instantly.  "I came back earlier because I wanted to check in with King
Alec."

Chip let out an annoyed sigh.  "Leave it to a Carnymancer to do the unexpected."  From
anyone else it probably would have been a compliment.  He rubbed his forehead with one
hand and slid the magic mirror across the table with the other.  "Just... promise me you
will at least consider doing what I want, and not just what I say, from now on, okay?  Is
that too much to ask?"

"You got it, your highness."

"Yeah."  He didn't seem too reassured.  "Give that back before next turn.  Now go have
your little chat session somewhere else.  I have work to do."

Phineas smiled and grabbed the mirror off of the table, then headed off to find a good
place to speak with the king in private.  It didn't take long for him to find a small tent
with only a couple archers inside.  He kicked them out and told them to keep anyone else
from coming inside.  He wanted his conversation to be private.  He was already feeling a
bit bad about not telling Chip right away about the artifact he found, and he would only
feel worse if some low-level archers learned about it first.

He sat down and leaned against the middle support pole of the tent, then opened up the
compact mirror.  He held it up in front of his face and said, "Mirror, mirror, in my palm,
show me my king.  Show me his crown."  The surface of the mirror wavered and a figure
appeared.

"Ah, you again?  It's been a while.  I don't suppose it is me you want to talk to, is it?"  It
was Grimhilde, of course.  The king's official receptionist in the mirror room at the
palace.

"Not today, I'm afraid.  Could you please get King Alec?  If he isn't too busy."

"He's always too busy," she commented, but went to go get him anyway.

A few minutes later and King Alec of Traz was sitting before him.  "Ah ha, Phineas!  
Nice to see you.  How have things been?"  Despite the king's cheerful attitude on the
surface, he looked a bit worn out.  Like he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in a while.

"Things have been pretty good.  Tamed a lot of new unit types that I haven't tamed
before.  Sourmanders, boo-bees, sea dogs...  So how have things been back on the island?  
I heard Port Manteau was attacked again.  Is it producing new unit types this time?"

King Alec flashed Phineas a horrendously fake-looking smile and shot a glance toward
the mirror room entrance.  "Phineas, promise me you won't tell this to Chip."

"Tell him what?"

"I'm serious, Phineas.  Promise me you won't tell him what I am about to tell you.  
Promise me you will take all reasonable steps to make sure he doesn't find out."

Phineas had no clue what his king was talking about.  "Alright, I promise.  What is it that
I can't tell him?"

Alec still seemed unsure if he should say anything, but after a few moments he continued.  
"We still haven't taken back Port Manteau."

"You- Wait, what?  How come?"

"Well, we used our normal tactics.  We withdrew most of our forces from the city and
prepared a counter attack to regain our city the turn after it was taken.  All of our scouting
information before the attack indicated it was a weak stack of ships.  Even during their
capture of the city, they only attacked with a small force.  But when we sent in our forces
to retake the city, their forces had more than quintupled.  We were obliterated.  A lot of
them were our top units of what was left, too."

"How in the world did they quintuple their forces?"

"We figure they must have had a stronger force further behind their main forces.  It was
like they expected us to react the way we did.  Why else wouldn't they attack with all of
their forces?  But that's not it, either."

"What?"

"We heard through the Grapevine that they are planning to go after our other cities too.  I
think they know we are weak right now, I really do.  I mean, after that last failed attack
we only have three warlords, Phineas.  Three!  The rest are over there with you."

Phineas took a moment for all of this to sink in.  He didn't like anything he was hearing,
but there was still one thing he didn't understand.  "So why don't you want Prince Chip to
know any of this?  He is the Chief Warlord after all."

"Isn't it obvious?"  Phineas tried to figure it out again, but when it was clear he wasn't
going to the king continued on.  "It is because he will want to come back.  And you know
as well as I do that you are too far away to be of any help.  It is best that he just focuses
on getting his aunt Eliza back and let me worry about driving off these pesky intruders.  I
was a Chief Warlord once too you know."

Phineas replied with a polite smile.  It was true, the king had been a Chief Warlord once,
but they both knew he hadn't had to plan any major battle strategies.  His father had
insisted on planning the larger battles when Alec was still just a prince.

"Was there another reason you contacted me, or were you just checking up?"

"Oh!"  With all of the new news Phineas had almost forgotten what he wanted to talk
about to begin with.  "Perhaps this will help lift your spirits."  The Carnymancer tilted
back his head and opened his mouth, then proceeded to unsheathe the sword from his
esophagus.  Its handle was still as fiery-looking as ever and the blade was the same
yellow-orange as when he had put it in there.

"Wow.  Where did you get that?" Alec asked.

"I found it in some ruins I was in yesterday.  It is an artifact, that much I know.  But I
have no clue what it does."

"Well, give it a swing."

Phineas wasn't sure that was the best way to test out the abilities of something like this,
but an order was an order.  He gave the sword an embellished jab through the air.  To his
surprise, a small puff of flame lurched out from the tip of the sword.  Not only that, but it
seemed to drain all of the color from it as well.  Now the blade was a dull pewter color
and the handle was a rusty brown.  He gave it another jab, but nothing happened.

"Hmm, interesting.  It looks like you have found yourself a puzzle, Phineas.  You keep
that thing in your care until you figure it out, okay?"

"Shouldn't I give it to someone who uses swords?  I really doubt a weapon of war will be
much use in the hands of a caster..."

"A weapon of war, eh?  From where I'm sitting it sure looked more like a magic wand
than a weapon of war.  At any rate, get a better idea of what that sword is capable of
before you go giving it out to someone who doesn't know how to use it."

"You got it, your Majesty."

"I would like to discuss current events with you further, Phineas, but unfortunately I have
other matters that need tending to."

"I understand.  That was all I wanted to talk to you about anyway.  Until next time."

"Until next time."  

King Alec's image disappeared and Phineas was left staring at his own reflection.  He
snapped the mirror shut then got to his feet to go find Polly.  If he was going to be
carrying this sword around, he would need a better scabbard than his throat.

SECTION 22

The entire camp was up before dawn the next morning, packing up and preparing for the
day ahead. They were visiting a new city today and hardly a person in the camp had ever
seen, much less been to, a city outside of their island kingdom. Needless to say, there was
a lot of excited chatter.

When dawn eventually arrived and their turn started, they were ready to head out.
Phineas rode a tidal boar alongside the other casters and warlords, each on their own tidal
boars.

He would have rather ridden the mothras but Chip said it would be more appropriate to
enter Stashburns through the front gate rather than fly over the walls. And apparently the
boars were good for representing the forces of Traz for some reason. Phineas personally
thought it was just because they had twelve boars and twelve riders.

As they moved along the bumpy trail, Phineas's sword bumped against his hip in its new
scabbard. "Thanks again for making this Polly," he said as he moved his mount up next to
hers. "It looks... nice."

Polly blushed and gave an appreciative smile. She stayed up all night making it by hand,
using spare parts from her scarecrow supplies. It wasn't a masterpiece, but it was
definitely better quality than her usual work. He figured she was trying to live up to the
quality of the sword, which was still well-made despite its current rust and grey colors. "I
could have made it better with a spell, but you know, we have to save our juice now."

Chip decided since we were so close to definite enemy territory (whom they were
currently allied with) and about to enter the city of a side that they were technically
unallied with, that the casters should save their juice for emergency purposes from here
on out. Unless given explicit permission by Chip or another warlord, that is.

Phineas rode along in silence for a while after that. The only sound interrupting his
thoughts was the well disciplined marching of feet from the small army behind his stack.
He wondered what the city would be like and whether or not it would be where he, Polly,
and Seymour would stay while the rest of Traz's forces marched onward to rescue Eliza.
He wondered briefly if he would be able to convince Chip to let him come along since he
was on the war council, but seriously doubted it would work. As a caster, he was too
valuable to risk.

Instead of dwelling on that line of thinking, Phineas decided to ask someone about
Stashburns who probably knew a thing or two about it. Duke Chu Fuman.

"So what do you know about this place? What's it like?" he asked the duke as their tidal
boars matched pace.

The warlord stared straight ahead at nothing, took a long drag from a cigarette, then blew
out a steady stream of smoke before finally answering. "Nothing."

Phineas raised an eyebrow, unsure how to respond to that. "But... Ponchovilla is your old
side... So that means Stashburns was one of your cities."

"Occasionally. But I've never been there." He inhaled through his cigarette one more
time, then flicked the butt off to the side. It landed on an unlucky infantryman. Only then
did Chu glance over at the Carnymancer. "I was popped in Verdi, on the coast. Most of
Ponchovilla's cities are on the coast. From there I was assigned to a small band of ships. I
have never visited any of the side's landlocked cities. No reason to. The closest I came
was visiting the capital, but even that is situated along a large river."

Phineas had a hard time imagining being on a side but never visiting all of its cities. "So...
how many cities does Ponchovilla have?"

"Heh, I'd eat a twoll turd if I knew the answer to that one. It changes, Stagemancer! Not
all sides are shut in on a little island where everything is always the same. Last I knew
there were twelve, but that was over a hundred turns ago." Chu laughed to himself a bit
more, making Phineas feel more and more like an ignorant fool.

"Didn't you think to ask any of this stuff when you were in the capital?" Phineas accused
in an attempt to shift Chu's attitude back at him.

The warlord shook his head back in forth for a while in mock disappointment. "Would
you go into King Alec's bedroom and ask him how many pairs of underwear he has
without having a good reason for doing so?" Phineas stared back at him blankly. "I didn't
think so. So you don't go into another kingdom's court and ask for potentially exploitable
tactical information without having a good reason for doing so."

Phineas still wasn't sure he understood exactly what Duke Chu was saying, but didn't
really want to ask for a clarification either.

"Don't worry. If you still feel like you need to ripen your melon, two of the Queen's
courtier's will be in town to meet us. Ask them whatever you want. Just don't blame me
when the prince glues your tongue to your teeth when you do."

SECTION 23

The rest of the trip was made in silence. At least for Phineas. Everyone else was caught
up in chatter about the city as they neared it. At least, until they were only one hex away.
At that point Chip raised a fist in the air and let out a loud, "Order!" Everyone made an
effort to march in straighter rows and stand at greater attention. It was time to impress a
foreign kingdom.

"Queendom, actually," Phineas reminded himself.

As they neared the level three boarder city, Phineas noticed banners hanging from the
wall that were the same as the ones he saw back at Port Manteu. They had the imperial
seal of Ponchovilla stamped on them. During the voyage across the sea, he once asked
Chu about the symbolism. He said the double brushstrokes were supposed to represent
the simple, yet powerful presence of their side in Erfworld. Phineas didn't really buy it,
and doubted the Duke seriously did either.  To him the brushstrokes just looked like a big
bushy moustache.

When they reached the gate, the troops of Traz stood at attention and waited for the
portcullis to be raised. When it did, eight units marched toward the city. On foot. Phineas
was one of them, as well as Prince Chip and Duke Fuman, of course. The others in their
stack included Duchess Nukem, Wally, Lord Blankenship, and Lady Winfrey. Chip said
it was a good idea to go in with a max stack of commanding units.

He also said it was a good idea to leave the rest of their forces outside of the city under
the watchful eye of their other casters and warlords. Phineas wasn't sure if this was the
best course of action, but didn't know enough to make a better suggestion. He at least
agreed that it was a good idea not to leave any of their units unled.

The eight of them were met by a group of royal guards and were led across the city to the
courtyard. The city itself was made of simple round, stone buildings with twig roofs. The
main roads were paved with similar stones, but the alleyways and side roads were made
of dirt. There were weeds growing up through the cracks and along the edges of buildings
in a lot of places, which gave the entire city a somewhat scruffy look.

When they reached the courtyard, their stack was led to a spot not far from the garrison's
entrance. They lined up in two rows and stood formally as a row of guards stood at
attention on either side of them. The whole ordeal was making Phineas a little nervous,
but apparently they had to wait for something.

Just as Phineas was about to loose his patience and try to ask the Prince what they were
doing, the garrison door opened and two men stepped out. They both wore dull golden
robes that flowed down to the ground. They had oversized sleeves and wore ornamental
sashes draped over their shoulders. On their heads were slightly pointed hats that Phineas
personally thought were not very attractive. They each had mustaches, but one of theirs
was thicker and also had a small patch of whiskers on their chin.

"Why hello there, envoys of Traz. I am Dalí," said thin mustache.

"And I am Vandyke," said chin hair.

"Welcome to the royal side of Ponchovilla."
"Welcome to the royal side of Ponchovilla."

Phineas was a little creeped out by how well they managed to talk in unison. And the way
they walked with exaggerated gracefulness didn't help much either.

Dalí continued, "We are courtiers sent by Queen Chevron herself in an effort to aid you
in your... situation."

"It pains us to think what could be happening to your Princess Eliza at this very
moment." The two courtiers looked at each other, frowned, then nodded at Vandyke's
statement. "Come, come. We will discuss everything in the planning chamber over a cup
of tea."

"Tea fixes most everything," Dalí interjected. Chip seemed slightly perturbed but politely
accepted, and they followed the queen's representatives into the tower.

The tower was not much to look at. It was pretty much a wider and taller version of the
buildings they walked past outside. It was round, made of stone, and had a roof made of
sticks. They walked halfway up it before reaching the city's "planning chamber." The
term was used mighty loosely in this case. There were bookshelves stacked to the ceiling
along the walls, and in the center of the room was a large round table. When the ten of
them sat around it, everyone was elbow to elbow. And the woman who brought in the tea
barely had enough space to walk around the edge of the table to serve everyone.

After minimum requirement of pointless chatter was reached, Chip turned the
conversation back to the main topic. Saving Princess Eliza.

"So what can you two tell us about the side that we are headed toward?" Chip asked as
piles of maps were being brought in from some other room in the tower.

"What would you like to know?" Vandyke asked.

"Tell us about their King. King Red was it?"

"Red, is a ruler, but not a king," Dali corrected. "Or as he likes to be called, The Red
Baron. From what I've gathered, he was once a noble warlord in the service of King
Murphy. He was a kind king. Helped our side out a lot back before he croaked. But alas,
it seemed everything that could go wrong would go wrong for the poor guy."

"So," Vandyke interrupted, "when he saw a large army marching toward his capital while
it was undermanned, he made his only warlord present into an heir, then sent the order to
any unit that could reach the capital within two turns to recall to his city."

"King Murphy decided to lead a small force ahead and fight, you see. It was his plan to
stall the invading army and give his city enough time to build up some defenses. While at
the same time doing his side a favor and taking himself out of the picture."

"Well, it worked. A little too well. When poor King Murphy went to confront the
invaders, he discovered too late that the forces were almost all low levels. Ones and twos,
you see."

"It turns out it was meant to be a bluff strategy. The other side was going to hold the city
ransom. But instead they lost half their forces and croaked a king."

"And of course, you know what that means. Through no deserving reason, The Red
Baron became ruler of Pizzazzerazz. With his new ill-gotten power, Red systematically
abused old alliances and deceived former friends of his king in order to make his side into
a formidable foe once again."

Everyone was silent for a few moments after that. Dali and Vandyke because they had
finished their story, and the rest because they were busy absorbing all of the new
information. But eventually Prince Chip spoke up again. "If that is the case, how did my
aunt, Princess Eliza, end up as an ally to the likes of him?"

Dali sighed, "Alas, we do not have a clear answer for that one. Only suppositions."

"Suppositions will have to do," Chip remarked.

"Very well," Vandyke continued. "When last she departed from Ponchovilla's
employment, she was headed in the direction of Dinoco to look for more mercenary
work. Unfortunately our relationship with Dinoco has soured since then, so we did not
hear any news from her in a long while."

"And then when we approached one of the baron's cities many turns later, we found her
and her troops defending it. We then sent a-"

"Yeah, you sent a warlord to parley, yadda, yadda, yadda, we know the rest." Chip
seemed anxious to get to the meat of the problem.

"So," Chip said as he flattened out one of the maps on the table and pointed to a
particular location. "Is the princess still in this city? The one with the large castle? The
one your queen said she was in when we sent her the thinkagram?"

The courtiers looked down at the map then up again in unison. Then Vandyke replied.
"I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle. But fear not," he said, holding up the
palm of one hand reassuringly. "Or latest scouting sortie tells us that she is currently in a
city that is slightly closer, and should have even easier defenses to overcome."

And with that, the warlords dove into devising strategies on how to approach the city,
what unit formations to use and how to handle the situation when they arrived. The
courtiers answered questions when asked, often with long-winded answers, but otherwise
remained silent. Phineas himself gave little advice. After all, he was a caster. He still
wasn't sure what his king was thinking when he made him an adviser to Chip. War was
for warlords, casting was for casters.

The only real snag during the discussions was when Chip asked how many units
Ponchovilla would be sending to aid Traz forces. The courtiers seemed embarrassed to
admit that they couldn't really afford to send any due to recent escalations in their
disputes with Dinoco. They said their land forces were not as strong as they should be to
begin with and that they were stretched too thin right now. But they were also quick to
reassure us that our own troops should be more than enough to take one city. That is, if
the city even needed taking.

As the end of the turn neared, the warlords headed out of the city, armed with maps and
new strategies. And Polly and Seymour joined Phineas in the city. They would be staying
behind under the protection of Ponchovilla while the column moved two more hexes
toward Princess Eliza. With that small bit of extra movement today, they should be able
to make it to the princess in just two more turns.

The three casters watched from the top of the tower as their army marched onward, then
watched the courtiers head back to their capital as Ponchovilla's turn started. Phineas
thought it would be neat to spend a few turns in a new city, and it looked like it would be,
but that didn't explain why he had a chill up his spine.

SECTION 24

Spending a turn in a foreign city was interesting. At first. Phineas, Polly, and Seymour
received a formal tour of the garrison of Stashburns from Lady Peachfuzz, the city's only
warlord. She showed them the dungeon, the larder, the library, and a couple of other
standard rooms any respectable garrison should have. And then their tour was over. They
were stuck in the garrison until Traz's next turn began.

The casters were given a room to share near the top of the tower. It had narrow windows,
a single bed, and a couple of wooden chairs. No rugs, no curtains, no decorations on the
cold stone walls, nothing. Phineas found it to be rather depressing. But with nowhere
better to go, and Ponchovilla's turn nearing completion, the casters began settling in for
the evening.

"If you need anything else," Lady Peachfuzz instructed, "I'll be standing guard outside
your door all night."

"Alright, thank you," Phineas replied as he impatiently closed the door to the room. "I'll
keep that in mind."

Phineas didn't much care for her company. Lady Peachfuzz looked to be the weakest
warlord, both in mind and body, that Phineas had ever seen. She had informed them that
she was merely an archer two turns ago but had been promoted to warlord for the sole
purpose of serving as a personal escort to the casters of Traz.

"She seems nice," Polly commented when Phineas turned away from the door.

"Nice, sure. Worth talking to? Not so much."

Seymour raised an eyebrow. "Wow, Phineas, why so bitter? You are usually only in a
bad mood at sunrise, not sunset."

He let out a sigh. "Sorry. I'm just a little stressed out is all. Hey Polly, do you have the,"
Phineas looked back at the door then whispered, "mirror?" They weren't supposed to let
anyone know that they had a way to easily communicate with their capital if it could be
reasonably avoided. Chip said it was bad for security or something.

Polly handed the mirror over without a word, but Seymour wasn't going to let him off the
hook so easily. "Why do you need the mirror? Chip already informed him of their
strategy before the column left. You really shouldn't bother King Alec all the time."

"I'm not going to sit and chat with him for the fun of it Seymour. There are... other
reasons." Phineas wondered whether or not he should tell Seymour and Polly about the
forces that were invading their island kingdom. Alec made Phineas promise not to tell
Chip, but didn't mention anything about these two. Phineas redoubled his efforts to
whisper. "Traz is in a bit of trouble."

Seymour looked confused and Polly looked worried. "What do you mean, trouble?" Polly
asked.

"Port Manteau was taken a few turns back and we haven't gotten it back yet. I don't really
know all the details. Now if you will excuse me..." Phineas sat down on a chair and
flipped open the mirror. Polly and Seymour stood behind him to try and get a good view
of the mirror. "Mirror, mirror, before my face. Show me my capital. Show me that place."

Phineas watched his reflection waver and get replaced by the face of Grimhilde. "Two
days in a row?" she chided gently. "You making it a daily routine to annoy me now?"

"I would like to speak with King Alec please."

"Sorry there, but he is busy at the moment," she replied.

"He always is."

"More so than usual this time, I'm afraid. I take it those two behind you know what's
going on?" Phineas nodded in response to Grimhilde's inquiry. She looked a bit
disappointed with that answer, but didn't comment. "Well some of the enemy units have
parked outside our main gates. We withdrew a lot our units to our capital, so they don't
have enough to conquer us, but they still have enough that it is making Alec nervous. He
is going to try and parley with them at the gates as soon as they end their turn. Which
should be any minute now, once the sun sets."

"Do you know who they are yet?" Phineas asked.

"No.  They seem to have some trick that is keeping us from finding out.  Which is
strange, since usually we know the moment a city is claimed.  But Alec hopes to find out
during the parley."  A trick to keep someone from finding out information sounded like it
might be Findamancy to Phineas, but he couldn't be sure.

The image on the mirror wavered slightly, meaning that someone else was trying to reach
Grimhilde. "Well, gotta go. Someone in Wysiwyg is trying to get through. Listen, it's
going to be hectic around here for the next couple turns, so maybe try to hold off on
calling unless it is an emergency. Bye." The mirror fizzled out and Phineas was left
staring at his and the other casters' reflections.

"Hmm," Seymour grunted. "That. Was not very informative."

"I hope King Alec will be alright," Polly added.

"I'm sure he will be fine," Phineas reassured her as he stood up and headed toward the
window. "But I can't help but feel like I am missing something obvious. Something
major."

Phineas leaned on his knuckles and looked out the window at the setting sun. The city of
their unallied ally looked calm and peaceful in the colorful light of twilight. In the near
distance he heard the trumpets of Ponchovilla signaling the end of their turn as the sun
dipped below the horizon.

SECTION 25

"Phineas," Seymour said, concern in his voice.

"I know.  Just... stay calm, I guess.  We don't want to make our situation worse by being
impulsive."  Phineas continued to look out the small window of their room, but out of the
corner of his eye he saw Seymour nod in agreement.  He also noticed Polly sitting on the
corner of the bed, glancing nervously at the closed door of which Lady Peachfuzz stood
guard on the other side.

He couldn't blame her.  Their situation was presently less than optimal.  They were
stranded in the garrison tower of a side that was pretending to be their ally.  But in light
of recent evidence, apparently they weren't allies at all.  If Ponchovilla had their turn at
the same time as the one attacking Traz, then it didn't take a Mathamancer to put two and
two together.

"Maybe they are just allied with the side attacking our kingdom," Polly offered meekly.

"That is entirely possible," Seymour admitted hopefully.

"Possible, yes, but likely?"  Phineas shook his head.  "I would kiss a crap golem if I
thought that were the case."

Seymour and Polly looked at him with confused expressions on their faces and Phineas
realized they didn't have all the facts yet.  "When I talked to king Alec yesterday to tell
him about this sword," Phineas pat the artifact at his side, "he explained Traz's situation
to me.  I'm still trying to figure out exactly how, but the pieces seem to fit too perfectly
for it to just happen to be an ally of Ponchovilla."

"What "pieces?"" Seymour asked.

"Well, for instance, Alec said the invading troops seemed to already know that they
would be able to take Port Manteau easily.  Oh, and not to mention that they arrived from
across the sea just as we ourselves were reaching the other side of the sea.  Doesn't that
amount of coinciding travel time seem like a pretty big coincidence, all things
considered?"

"I guess..." Seymour admitted reluctantly.

"But they came to Traz in the first place so they could help us, didn't they?" Polly asked.  
"Duke Chu came to tell us about what had happened to Princess Eliza.  Why would they
attack us after they tried to help us?  They aren't that mad that we turned their warlord,
are they?  Besides they didn't even know he was turned until just a few turns ago, when
he visited their capital with Wally."

Polly's blatantly obvious and accurate observation completely changed the way Phineas
viewed the situation.  Not because Polly was right about Ponchovilla's original intentions,
but because this whole thing may have stared well before he would have expected.

"You guys, what if Princess Eliza wasn't ever in trouble?  Isn't in trouble?  What if
Ponchovilla made the whole thing up?"

"What would be the point of that?" Seymour asked, not disagreeing, but still skeptical.

"I... don't really know... " Phineas admitted.  "But I'm sure they would have had some
kind of reason."

Polly stood up and folded her arms.  "So what do we do?"

"Can we do anything?" Seymour wondered.  "If you haven't noticed, we aren't exactly in
a place of power.  We could very well be prisoners here."

"I think the first thing we need to do is find a way out of the city.  So that means we have
until dawn to come up with a plan.  Agreed?"

Seymour and Polly both nodded in agreement and all three of them started working on a
plan.

SECTION 26

*pop*

*pop* *pop*

"Mmm, boiled beets," Polly said, examining her freshly popped rations, fork and knife in
hand.

"Should we really be eating at a time like this?" Seymour half accused, half asked as he
eyed up his own steamed rice and pork chops.

"You know the plan, Seymour.  We have to act like we don't know anything about our
situation.  So for all our sakes, act."  Despite his own words, Phineas still felt a bit foolish
sitting in their room eating his fruit gelatin and rye bread.  Especially since their
guard/guide, Lady Peachfuzz, wasn't even watching them at the moment.  But she could
walk in at any moment and the casters didn't want to raise any suspicions.  Phineas felt
they were being overly cautious, especially considering the warlord they were trying to
fool, but it was better to be too cautious than to regret it later on.

It wasn't long before the warlord actually did poke her head through the door.  "It looks
like your turn started.  You guys sleep alright?"

"Yeah, we-"

"Not really," Phineas said, interrupting Polly.  "We stayed up most of the night and talked
about Princess Eliza, the column, and how we couldn't wait to get back home once this is
all over.  You know, needless worrying and whatnot."

Judging by the warlords face, Phineas figured she thought his answer was pretty odd, but
all she said was, "Well when you guys finish eating, I would be happy to escort you
around the city until your turn ends.  Unless, of course, you want to stay in the tower
where you have your bonus..."

"I think we'll probably take you up on that offer to stretch our legs outside," Phineas
replied.  He had to fight the urge snap at her sarcastically.  As if they would want to stay
cooped up inside just for a stat boost.

"Well, I'll see you in a little bit then."  Lady Peachfuzz pulled her head back through the
door and closed it once more.

"Why did you tell her we were up all night!?" Polly hissed in confusion almost before the
door was shut.  The look on Seymour's face told Phineas that the Hippiemancer was
thinking the same thing.

"If she was really standing guard outside the door all night, chances are she heard at least
a murmur or two.  What do you think she would think that was?  Us talking in our
sleep?"

"It is in the past now," Seymour.  "Lets just drop it."  They continued to eat in silence,
trying not to let the stress of their situation get to them.  All too soon they were finished
and ready to move on to the next phase of their plan.

"Alright, hand me your knives, just in case," Phineas said as he slid his own up his
sleeve.  "Then Polly, grab the sheets and blankets off of the bed.  Seymour and I will grab
the mattress."  Phineas checked his sword to see if its redness had returned yet, but it was
as plain grey as ever.  Then he went to help Seymour with the mattress.

"What are you three doing with all of that stuff?"

Phineas whirled around to see Lady Peachfuzz standing in the doorway, hands on her
hips.  That was Polly's cue.

Polly's face turned red.  Probably because she was being somewhat deceitful, but her face
probably would have turned red even if she wasn't, so it still fit the situation.  "Um, well,"
she finally said, "I thought maybe I could help out our forces by making some
scarecrows.  I don't know if they will have enough move, but I figured it couldn't hurt to
try..."  Polly fidgeted with the corner of a bed sheet she was folding while she waited to
see how the warlord would react.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked the Dollamancer.  Phineas let out a breath
he didn't even realize he had been holding.

"Yes," Phineas said, taking over for Polly.  "If you have any more cloth lying around, we
could use it.  Tablecloths, blankets, banners.  And do you have sticks or straw?  Those
would help too, right Polly?"  Polly nodded.

"I just arrived here two turns ago, so I'm not positive, but I think we have most of that
stuff laying around here somewhere.  I'll send out some men to round it up."

"Have them bring it by the front gate.  It will probably be easiest there," Phineas
surmised.

And so the three casters set about carrying their supplies down the tower steps while the
Ponchovilla warlord led the way and barked out orders to other units as she came across
them.  By the time they exited the garrison, it seemed they already had a small army
working for them.

When they left the courtyard and were nearing the city gates, Phineas nudged Seymour
with the mattress they were carrying.  "*cough* Seymour *cough.*"  Phineas gave him a
look of encouragement and mouthed the words "ask her."

"Ahem, Lady Peachfuzz?" Seymour finally asked.

"Hmm?  What?"

Seymour pushed the glasses on his nose with one hand and his cheeks turned slightly red.  
Unlike Polly, the nervous embarrassment look did not look natural on him.  But luckily
the warlord didn't know Seymour well and wasn't paying him a lot of attention.  "Well,
you see, Traz is in your debt for helping us out with all of this."  Seymour's words
sounded painstakingly rehearsed, but Phineas refrained from stepping in this time.  He
had to.

"Go on," the warlord said, not denying Seymour's words.  That fact irked Phineas a bit.

"Since we are in your debt for all of the hospitality and intelligence your side has
provided us, I would be honored if you would give me permission to help strengthen the
walls of your main gate."

"Oh?  How?" she asked.

"As a Florist-"

"You are a florist?" she interrupted.  "And you have a Dollamancer, obviously.  So that
just leaves that guy a mystery.  What are you?"

"Duty dictates that I don't tell you unless I have to," Phineas replied dryly.  He dropped
his end of the mattress unceremoniously now that they were standing in front of the city's
entrance.  "You going to let Seymour plant his wallflowers or not?"

"Wallflowers?  I suppose that would be alright.  Just make sure you stay inside the city."

"So... we can't make the scarecrows outside of the city then?  To give them one extra hex
they can travel?" Phineas asked.

"Sorry, no.  I was given strict orders before I left the capital that I was to keep you under
my direct supervision at all times.  Any trouble that may befall one of you would be
reflected solely on me.  So I am sorry, but I must insist that we stay in the same zone at
all times."

"I figured it was something like that," Phineas mumbled.  Then he set about helping Polly
arrange the scarecrow materials.  By the time they finished, most of the regular
Stashburns units were back at their stations and Seymour had a steady set of wallflowers
growing around the front gate.  "You ready?" he asked Polly.

Phineas could tell she was nervous by the glance she sent him, and the sideways glance
she gave Lady Peachfuzz, who was leaning against a nearby building.  Polly took in a
deep breath.  "I wish I had a scroll," she mumbled.  "Here goes nothing."

Phineas's fists were clenched tight as Polly pulled an oversized sewing needle from her
front pocket.  She raised it in the air, the end began to glow, then she directed it forcefully
at the piles of supplies they had laid out, and said the magic word.

But it wasn't the word for making scarecrows, oh no.  It was the word for something
much more fearsome.  As Phineas watched, the pieces of cloth wreathed and shifted.  The
straw and smaller sticks accumulated in one area where the mattress was busy unstuffing
itself.  The tablecloths, blankets, and even a rug, wrapped themselves around this mass as
bits of string, thread, and a spool of barbed wire sewed it all together.  Soon there stood
before them an LFN so hideous that it could have made a Croakamancer cringe.  But it
was theirs, and it would work.

"Mount up," Phineas instructed Polly as Lady Peachfuzz approached them.

"I thought you were making scarecrows," she said, confused more than anything.  "And
why is your Dollamancer mounting that cloth golem?"

Phineas almost felt sorry for her.  "Because we are leaving," he replied.  "Don't try to stop
us."

"What?  Why?  You can't."

"We can and we will.  We need to."  The warlord gave Phineas the same old confused
look.  It was painfully obvious that she had been kept out of the loop.  "Look, we have
reason to believe that your side is backstabbing ours.  So don't go getting all upset that we
don't want to stay in your city.  If it makes you feel better, it isn't your fault we are
leaving.  Now if you'll excuse me..."  

Phineas reached for a handhold on the LFN so that he could climb up behind Polly.  But
the warlord took a step towards him as if to interrupt.  Almost without thinking, Phineas
withdrew two knives from his sleeves and threw them at the warlord.  They stuck into the
ground at either side of her feet, pinning her pant legs to the ground.  He held up his third
knife, the one he had used to butter his bread that morning, and pointed it at her face.  
"Don't."  And with that, Phineas mounted the LFN and they headed toward the front gate.

They didn't make it more than two steps before Phineas felt a sharp pain in his left
shoulder.  "Capture the casters!"  Phineas looked toward the noise and saw Lady
Peachfuzz holding a knife in her hand, ready to throw it.  The other was already lodged in
Phineas's shoulder.  He had overlooked the fact that the rival warlord used to be an
archer, and that meant she had great aim.

"Go, go, go!" he urged Polly and the golem.  All nearby units were now headed to
intercept them.  Phineas drew his sword in order to prepare for the worst, and was
surprised to find that it now had a green blade with an ornately flowery handle.  "When
did that..."  There was no time to think about it.  He flicked the point of the blade at the
closest group of approaching pikemen and, low and behold, a patch of wallflowers started
to grow in front of them.  It only slowed them down for about three seconds, but it was
all they needed.  They had reached the gate.

"I thought you would never make it," Seymour quipped as Polly and Phineas crossed the
hex boundary.  Seymour quickly sealed off the entrance with more foliage from the
outside, then too crossed the hex boundary.  "Hopefully that will keep them from
following us once their turn starts.  Probably not, but we can hope.  Lets just get out of
here and catch up to our column as quickly as possible."

Phineas and Polly couldn't find a reason to disagree, and so they headed out.

SECTION 27

The three casters managed to effectively triple their move by taking turns riding the LFN.  
First Phineas and Polly rode while Seymour walked.  Them Phineas walked and the other
two rode.  And finally Seymour and Phineas rode while Polly walked.  It was during the
last leg of the trip that King Alec finally contacted them through the mirror and warned
them to get away from Ponchovilla's supervision.  He was shocked to find that they had
beaten him to the punch.

Phineas spoke with the king for a while, but they weren't coming to any new conclusions,
and so the king eventually left the three casters to their own devices.  Alec had his hands
full enough as it was with protecting their remaining cities, much less his casters who
were not in a position to help anyone this turn.

By the time their turn ended, they were only two hexes away from the back of their
column, stranded on a rocky road with stones the size of walnuts and the color of
marshmallows.  "Thank the Titans for move penalties," Seymour exclaimed, referring to
the column's large number of aquatic units.

"Do you think they know we are here?" Polly asked as she examined the LFN, pulling
burs from the fabric.

"If they knew we were here," Phineas replied, "Chip would have sent some mothras to
pick us up.  Or at least send someone to speak with us."

"Ehem."

Phineas whirled around to see who had made the sound.  Nobody was there.  Then he
tilted his head back and silhouetted against the sun was a humanoid figure with three
smaller figures hovering behind it.  "Speak of the 'devil..."

"It's a pleasure to see you too, Carnymancer."  Bub Beelze didn't even attempt to hide the
sarcasm in his voice.  The daredevil lowered himself down in front of Phineas, brushing
nonexistent dirt from the sleeve of his red suit as he did so.  He came to a stop just inches
above the ground.

"Did Prince Chip send you?" Seymour asked.

Bub gave Seymour a sideways look then said, "Why don't you go play doll with your gal
pal over there, Hippiemancer, and let the big shot handle this conversation on his own."  
That was big talk coming from the daredevil considering Seymour had the authority to
order him to do whatever he wanted.  But the Florist had been cowed and went over to
help Polly pull burs from the cloth golem.

Phineas raised an eyebrow then asked, "So, did Prince Chip send you?"

"Pfft," was all the response he got.  Apparently the answer was no.

"If he didn't send you, then why are you here?"

"Well, he didn't send me, but I am here on his orders."  Bub crossed his arms matter-of-
factly, as if he had given a perfectly clear answer to Phineas's question.

"Meaning... what?"

"Meaning I cheated, that's what."  The daredevil examined his fingernails nonchalantly,
as if cheating were the same as breathing.  "He ordered me to guard a stack at the back of
the column so that I would be out of his hair for a while.  And then I spotted you, so we
decided to come and visit."

"But we weren't part of the column this turn, so you should have had to stay with the rest
of the troops..."  Phineas was thoroughly confounded.

"Heh, I told you we cheated, didn't I?  Your stack wasn't part of the column, but my stack
was.  So when we got to the back of the column, I decided we would guard our own
stack.  It just so happened that that stack left the column to go visit you, so naturally we
were obligated to follow."  Bub had a crooked grin on his face and the imps were
giggling up above.

"Thats..." It sounded like it shouldn't work, but somehow Phineas couldn't prove
otherwise.  "How could anyone even come up with something like that?" Phineas asked,
still unable to fully wrap his head around it.

"Practice."

Phineas shook his head clear.  "Okay, but that still doesn't explain why you waited until
after the turn ended to let us know you were here."

"Tisk tisk, Carnymancer.  That one should be obvious, even for you."

He was right, it was obvious.  "Because if we knew you were here, we would have sent
you back to tell them that we were only two hexes away."

"Exactly.  And what is the fun in that?"  The daredevil sidled up next to Phineas and
rested an elbow on the caster's shoulder.  The one with the knife from that morning still
sticking out the back of it.

Phineas moved out from under him and looked at the flier angrily.  "Fun!?  We could
have an army following us from Stashburns and we're just sitting here with the column
two hexes away!  Does croaking sound fun to you?"

Bub didn't even bat an eye.  "Oh please.  I saw that dumpy city when we went by.  
There's no way they can rummage up a decent force from that place and still leave it
acceptably defended.  On the off chance that they do catch up to you and enter this exact
hex, there is no way they can defeat us in a max stack.  Just imagine it.  A Carnymancer
leading a Florist, a Dollamancer, an LFN with a Dollamancer's bonus, a daredevil, and
three imps.  Now that is a force to be reckoned with."

Phineas let out a sigh.  He should have known it would be useless arguing with this guy.  
"Still, it would have been nice for the rest of the column to at least know we are here."

"It's not too late.  All you have to do is say the magic words."

"Oh?  And what's that?"

"Biddy D, Bobby D, Bo."  At the sound of his words, the three imps zoomed down and
hovered at attention in front of Bub.  Then the daredevil snapped his fingers and they
flew over to a nearby spruce tree and began circling around it.  It was one of the few
signs of vegetation in their hex.  Next the three imps began cackling maniacally and the
tree burst into flame, sending a plume of black smoke into the air.

"There," Bub said with a poorly hidden smirk, "I think they'll know where to look."

SECTION 28

"I should have you disbanded, you know that, right!? Disobey me again and I just
might!"

"Don't be a fool. You should be congratulating us, not reprimanding us. We were in an
enemy city. We-"

"Do not, I repeat, do not call me a fool!"

"What should I call you then? The greatest chief warlord that has ever been popped? You
are ignoring the facts being laid out in front of you!" Phineas stared at his prince with
determined eyes, and his prince stared back just as fiercely with a snarl on his face.

Just when Phineas was starting to think that Chip may just be crazy enough to disband his
most talented caster, the prince gave his orders. "I want the three of you out of my sight,"
Chip said, referring to Phineas, Seymour, and Polly. "And Carnymancer, when you see
Earnest, tell him he can take a break from his chamber pot duties until we meet up With
Princess Eliza. You will be filling in for him until then."

"As you wish, your highness," Phineas said, glaring at the prince. "If you want to discuss
the facts some more, without having to yell at anyone, I'm sure your father would love to
talk to you." Phineas dug the magic mirror from his pocket and tossed it over to Chip.

Phineas glared a bit more, then turned around and started marching away so that he could
catch up with Polly and Seymour and get out of the prince's sight. But he soon changed
his mind and veered off to search for Earnest. "Might as well find that blue vested lackey
now and get it over with," he said to no one. At least the column would be on the move
for most of the turn, so he probably wouldn't have to do much "filling in" anyway. And if
all went well, they would find their princess and be on their way back home before
nightfall.

__________

"Is that it? Is that really the city where Princess Eliza is?" Phineas asked the portly little
spearman warlord walking next to him. The guy was actually a unit under the rule of The
Red Baron, but since their sides were still under an alliance, they shared a turn. The
column had run into some field units, which took it upon themselves to serve as an escort.

The spearman straightened the laurel on his head and proudly smoothed out his orange
toga before replying. "Yes. That is the city of Domino. One of the most beautiful cities in
the entire side of Pizzazzerazz."

"One of the most beautiful, huh?" Phineas had to give the guy credit, it did look pretty
amazing. They were still a couple hexes away, but looking down into the valley, Phineas
could already tell he liked the look of the place. The city was very symmetrical. It's
brownish-red-bricked buildings were perfectly aligned so as to make it possible to look
from one end of the city to the other without anything blocking your view, save for the
garrison walls. And each building, even the walls, had the same red roofs with shallow
slopes on the outside and a boxy peak in the center. Very elegant. In the center of it all
was a majestic castle rising above the walls. It wasn't large, but it looked very dignified
nestled between all of the Pizzazzerazz huts.

Prince Chip had already recalled all scouts and consolidated Traz's forces, but now orders
were being sent around calling for certain stacks to restack. For warlords to find their
assigned subordinates. And for all available mounts to be mounted. Phineas figured they
were close enough to the city now for him to get off of crap duty, so he rushed to put his
supplies away and to freshen up before they entered the city.

But when he reached his belongings, Earnest was there waiting for him. "Sorry, I'm
giving your doody duty back," Phineas said.


Earnest looked mildly disappointed, but that didn't seem to be why he was there. "Here,"
the lackey said, holding out a note written on parchment. "I was instructed to give this to
you when your orders expired."

Phineas took the note and Earnest excused himself. Unfolding the note, Phineas read:


To the Carnymancer,

      You're lucky your king likes you. Pick some units for a stack and be ready at the
front of the column. I suppose I should actually thank my father for having me put you on
the front lines. If events take a turn for the worse, you'll probably be one of the first units
to croak.

Don't dilly dally.

Your Chief Warlord,
Prince Chip of Traz

Despite the note being less than heartfelt, Phineas was actually glad to be up front. It
would be more interesting than waiting for news at the back of the column where he
probably would have been otherwise, and he wasn't afraid of a little danger.

But he did still have to build a stack for himself. He contemplated his choices as he
quickly changed his clothes while he marched. He wanted to choose Seymour and Polly,
but they were actually busy leading their own stacks. Polly was leading the golems, dolls,
and scarecrows. Seymour was leading the kelpies and topiaries.

Finally, Phineas settled for three hermits and the daredevil's group. He chose the hermits
because if something did go wrong, they were pretty good defenders. The only real down
side was that the three he chose didn't speak Language. Phineas decided on the daredevil
and imps because they had the most combined firepower of any of the units in the
column, and nobody else had stacked with them yet. Not to mention it would probably
annoy Chip if he saw that they were in Phineas's stack. The only real downside was that
they did speak Language.

"So we finally get to fight, eh?" the daredevil asked as they made their way to the front of
the column. The city was looming close so they had to hurry.

"I sure hope not," Phineas replied, making sure no Pizzazzerazz units were nearby. "But
it is possible. If our alliance breaks down while we are in the city, I don't see how a fight
can be avoided." Phineas walked a few more steps then remembered to add, "Do not do
anything to make our alliance break down."

"Hey, hey, give me some credit. Don't you think I would be a little more tactful than
that?" Phineas shot him a glare. "Heh, fair 'nough. But don't worry about me. Worry
about that Prin-"

"Shh." They had reached the front of the column just as they reached the entrance of the
city. Prince Chip, Duke Chu, Duchess Nukem, Phineas, their respective stacks, and the
Pizzazzerazz units crossed into the city.

And standing there, in the middle of the road with her arms crossed and a smile on her
face, was Princess Eliza.